As a Coach, I spend a lot of time considering self-limiting beliefs, those “truths” we think about ourselves that inhibit our optimism and potential. One of the most devastating of these beliefs, that I encounter frequently, claims that self-confidence is inherent and confined to extraordinary people. And however crushing this belief may be to the unconfident person, it’s also appealing. It implies that action isn’t required, since change isn’t possible, so might as well accept the status quo; why waste precious effort trying to change something immutable?
So, what’s the proper truth about self-confidence? I’ve noticed two fundamental facts: one, that living a happy, successful life requires a healthy amount of it, and two, that it’s an ordinary, accessible skill; it’s necessary and obtainable. Considering this, why does anyone struggle to embody self-confidence?
If self-confidence is eluding you, you’re most likely indulging in its insidious nemesis, self-doubt. Self-doubt is safe and comfortable. It’s easy to engage with self-doubt because it allows you to stay in your comfort zone by reminding yourself of the “truth”: that you don’t deserve to have confidence or believe in yourself. Perhaps your parents taught you this, or the tough job market, or Tinder. No matter the source of your belief, it’s based on fear, shame, and guilt, and it’s hard to get rid of once it’s inside your head.
The good news is there’s an antidote to self-doubt. It comes in the combination of four ingredients: respectful, positive self-talk; a resilient mental and physical state; a focus on productive action; and trust in yourself. These attributes demand self-control and determination, but with patience and practice, their synergy will naturally foster your self-confidence. The temporary discomfort involved with changing your status quo will inevitably translate into astonishing results.
What will you choose? Will you embody self-confidence, or indulge in self-doubt? It is in fact a choice, and what you decide will dictate the direction of your life. I say, escape your complacency and self-limiting beliefs, and expand your life. Step into the unknown, and you’ll find that accessing your self-confidence isn’t as hard as you thought it would be. After all, you’ll never know what you’re capable of without giving it a try.
If you’re interested in discovering your self-confidence, or you want to learn more, feel free to contact me for a free initial session.